Am I hungry or am I just bored?

I’m annoyed with the number of times I have asked myself this question. Yet, I’m not surprised. So far, social distancing living has been a series of questions, some tougher than others. Should I sit on the couch or my bed? How many episodes can I watch before I have to do homework? Should I wear this hoodie or that hoodie? How long will this situation last? The list goes on.

Truthfully, I don’t have a sense of direction right now. In the midst of COVID-19, the world is uncertain. I get to spend my days in a gray-walled apartment trying to keep some semblance of normalcy. Easier said than done when the things I’m relying on to be normal, like attending class and going to work, are not normal.

I’m adjusting as best as I can, and I think my professors and peers are trying to as well. Still, it doesn’t make the situation any less disappointing. The prospect of having online class for two more months sounds awful. Even if we are no longer sheltered-in-place, we probably won’t return to campus any time soon.

It’s more disappointing with the onset of spring. The sun will shine, the air will be warm, the flowers will bloom. School is so exciting in the last couple months of the semester, but we don’t get to experience it.

I never realized how much I loved the little things in my routine. I miss walking to and from school. It was enough time to enjoy the fresh air and listen to a few songs, maybe go without headphones for a few minutes to just think. I miss sitting in the library next to the big windows. I miss interacting with classmates, even if we weren’t friends beyond the classroom.

Right now, the days are long. I certainly have enough time to think about missing these things. Despite having time, it’s hard to focus or get much work done. It seems counterintuitive, to have the whole day open but then do less work.

I, for one, have always been more productive when I have more to do. Sure, I have a schedule, but it’s entirely determined by me. Not to mention, the day is spent in my nearly windowless apartment. Sounds charming, right?

Like I said, I’m lacking direction, but I’m an escapist at heart. A little personal anxiety and a lot of global panic is more than enough to send me toward finding other ways to occupy my mind.

During spring break, I started reading the “Percy Jackson and the Olympians” series, and now I’m almost done with the last book. Yes, I know this series came out years ago. I know I’m probably a little bit old for it. I know they are kind of silly. But it’s exactly what I need — a story I can enjoy that takes my mind off of everything else for awhile.

So far, my time living socially distanced has been spent figuring out how to live socially distanced. Reading is just one way of filling the time. Social media and the internet are full of suggestions on how to be functional and productive while stuck at home, and the advice isn’t bad. But it’s tough. A lot of people I’ve talked to are struggling with the transition. I am, too.

We don’t know exactly what’s going to happen with COVID-19. Even if we did, we might not be able to do anything more than just stay inside. Like we’ve heard, wash your hands and avoid big groups. Other than this, all I can do is take care of myself.

I’ve been trying to look for the small things to get me by, like the two loaves of zucchini bread I baked or playing Mario Kart with my roommate. I’ve finally had time to watch the series “Death Note,” which, similarly to Percy Jackson, came out years ago. Better late than never, I suppose.

I also try to remind myself how lucky we are to still have classes. It’s not what I expected spring semester to be. It’s not even close to what I want, but it’s something.

These little joys and reminders don’t fix anything, not on a big scale, but they make it a little easier to deal with life. It’s OK to be upset and confused—I am every time I read or listen to the news.

But I have to find calm, too. I turn to what will keep me level, what will give me a break. For now, I’ll read Percy’s adventures, I’ll drive through Moo Moo Meadows and I’ll do my best living in isolation.

Maddie Peters can be reached at pete9542@stthomas.edu.