As someone who hasn’t experienced fully in-person classes since the tail end of high school, I’ve spent a lot of time alone, far away from fellow students, professors and friends. Walking through campus today, the flurry of people fuels my anxiety, but I know I’m not alone in my silent suffering.

Oh, University of St. Thomas. I spent the last year of my life finding comfort in your quiet campus. I waved hello to the purple flowers instead of purple-clad strangers. I spent the weekends cloaked in quiet instead of submerged in the loudness of life.

This year, as 5,935 undergraduate students return to in-person classes, I am overwhelmed.

The View, once my Paris, has become my own personal hell. The closeness of the tables mock my hesitancy, their existence anything but welcoming. The munching of mouths is a sharp ringing in my ears that does nothing but stress a recovering anorexic. I feel hot as the sandwich station worker’s eyes burn holes in the back of my head, judging me for my choices. He scoffs as I walk by with platefuls of food.

The quad is the epicenter of people-watching. Vibrant chatter fills the residence halls and stairways are flooded with hundreds of footsteps.

Sophomore Payton Maas is also intensely aware of the new signs of life on campus.

“I’ve never seen (campus) this full, it’s kind of hilarious cause last year it was just the freshmen and everyone else just drove in for their individual classes,” Mass said.

Professors are now able to stare deeply into my soul and demand my attention instead of begging for it from the puppy in my Zoom profile picture. It’s as if I’ve forgotten how to function as a student outside the comfort of my dorm and the coziness of my bed.

I’m no longer a creature of nearly 20 years of pent up awkwardness, grandpa-worthy jokes and a love of all things weird. Instead, I’ve become a foreigner in my own skin – a space I’ve already explored, yet forgotten.

Though anxiety encompasses my very being, I can’t help but be excited for the thrill and normalcy of the new year.

St. Thomas sophomore Noah Becker finds that seeing so many students walking around campus is an exhilarating way to be welcomed back to school.

“It gave me a huge burst of energy when students started moving in on campus. I’m an extrovert, so it was a big deal when people started moving in,” Becker said.

I’m elated that school is back in session and that I’m finally acquainted with a sense of normalcy. That word, though, has brought on a whole new meaning. My new normal is navigating the dark, desolate island of the global pandemic with its buried treasures of face masks, COVID-19 regulations and a trove of anxiety.

This year, this campus and this college experience, are essentially that island. While it’s an adrenaline rush exploring uncharted territory, it completely unnerves me.

Jos Morss can be reached at mors7544@stthomas.edu.