I love my boyfriend, but I think he loves Call of Duty (COD) more. 
Seriously. He is obsessed with the game. Whenever he has a chunk of free time, he will set up camp in his bedroom with his weapon (video game controller) and position himself on his throne (sliding chair) prepared for virtual battle. It can never be just one game. Believe me, I’ve asked. The typical response is, “one game, Hayls? I don’t expect you to finish a shopping trip in 20 minutes.” Touche, boyfriend.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for having hobbies. If I had a solid three or four hours free during the day, I would spend my time reading a book or working out. I think both of these activities are far more educational than my boyfriend’s favorite hobby.
I don’t see what’s so appealing about the game. I’ve seen it played several times and from what I have seen, you go around killing people by either shooting, stabbing or bombing them. I wouldn’t want to do that in real life, let alone in a video game.
There’s also some questionable lingo that goes along with the game. For example, “getting a kill” is a big deal. That sounds vicious and horrible. Why would you celebrate killing someone or something?
There have been several occasions when he has invited me over for a date night, something I think is universal code for dinner and a movie. He told me to show up at a certain time, so I did, expecting to see a fully-dressed man ready to go. Instead, I walked in on him dressed in basketball shorts and a cut-off T-shirt, talking strategy out loud to himself while playing for his third or fourth straight hour.
The worst part about it is the zombie-like trance that he gets while playing. It’s like his brain refuses to acknowledge anything I’m saying. I will have to throw pens or small objects at him to get his attention. Yes, I get that your current COD mission is important, but I would like to think I’m more deserving of your attention than your television screen.
This is what annoys me the most. Video games should not cut into a relationship and destroy the communication between a couple. Our relationship is practically perfect, but COD is the daunting flaw that hangs above our heads. I cannot tell you how frustrating it is to battle with a video game to get someone’s attention. It’s also rude, to say the least.
I know I’m not the only person who deals with this; some of my other friends have boyfriends who are just as obsessed with their video games. This forces me to ask, what makes these video games so fun and addicting? Is it the inner alpha male lashing out? Or acting out the desire to beat all competition?
Regardless, we all know that communication is the key to having a healthy and long-lasting relationship. According to a University of Florida publication, listening is the single most important communication skill because it’s the best way to understand your significant other.
While some people may claim to be experts at multi-tasking, it’s far easier to focus on one thing at a time. Having a conversation while stimulating your brain with a video game is not going to produce decent banter. Effective communication isn’t easy, but it’s important to give a speaker respect and your undivided attention. I’ve found that the best conversations I’ve had are when I’m free of all electronic distractions and can focus on speaking and listening without being interrupted.
So boys, put down your controllers and really listen to your girlfriends if they have something to say. Ending a game can be tough, but I can guarantee it’s not nearly as devastating as ending a relationship.
Hayley Schnell can be reached at schn3912@stthomas.edu.
Hi Hayley,
I don’t mean to be disrespectful to your very well-written article, but do you really believe you’ll save your relationship by publicly noting on TommieMedia how your boyfriend is not catering to your needs? I understand that you’re frustrated that many young men at UST engage in games such as Call of Duty, especially your boyfriend, but perhaps you could be the one to invite said boyfriend over for dinner and a movie? From your perspective, it does not sound like your residence provides the means for a Call of Duty distraction.
If you and your boyfriend are really having trouble in paradise, shouldn’t you talk to him before writing an article for all of the internet to see? Sounds like your relationship is virtually perfect minus the video game, so would you not be able to approach him (away from his TV/game console) on this topic? I have a feeling he would be more receptive to that, than hearing that his girlfriend posted a TommieMedia rant without even talking to him first. Just two cents from a recent alumna…
Good luck to you and your boyfriend. May you live happily and COD-free ever after.
What is his gamertag?
I understand where you are coming from, but honestly, I completely disagree that you have chosen to attack video games. If you think your boyfriend loves COD more than you, break up with him. He’s not worth your time.
If you think that when he spends time ‘hanging out’ with you he should automatically assume you two will be going out, you two need to have a talk about what ‘hanging out’ or ‘date night’ means. Make plans instead of just assume.
Video games are an escape from reality. Something which everyone needs. You stated that if you had some time off you would go work out or read a book. He obviously has time to spare, but if he didn’t have video games, he could be working out or reading a book… Both of which would take attention off of you just as much.
maybe if YOU liked COD as well, there wouldn’t be as much of a problem.
My rationale is that you need to have a talk about what is ‘us’ time and what is not. Just assuming is not going to solve anything for anyone.
Video Games aren’t to be blamed for communication issues. People can choose to communicate or not. Or it might be time to just dump him if you aren’t happy.
Let me put it this way, if someone asked me out on a date, and we went to the mall to go shopping, something I know a lot of my girl friends call ‘retail therapy’, i would be miserable. I would absolutely hate it. But yet I know a lot of my girl friends will take their boyfriends shopping with them as ‘hanging out’ time.Its essential the same thing. If I tried talking to some of my girl friends about my life while they were shopping for a cute new outfit, I would probably get the same treatment that you get from your boyfriend who is playing COD. Video Games aren’t to blame.
It sounds like you have bigger problems than video games in your relationship if you have to throw pens to get his attention. Stop blaming the video games, unless he happens to have an actual gaming addiction.
If someone is putting video games before a significant other, then there are obviously deeper issues that need to be dealt with.
If you love him so much, why haven’t you taken time to personally and privately try to talk things over with him, instead of broadcasting to the entire world about your relationship problems? Don’t you think that that might hurt his feelings a bit?
Hayley, what is your boyfriend’s K-D?
My boyfriend and his roommates all play League of Legends (LOL) together, and it increases the amount of time they spend together as well as their communication and they seem to all have become closer because of it. I have not found that it interferes with our relationship at all, we are both accepting that we have separate hobbies and activities. I’m also considering giving playing with them a try, maybe you should extend the same courtesy to your boyfriend. if you think the game is cutting into your relationship, try making it a part of your relationship, he seems to give you the same courtesy with shopping.
Whatever else is going on here, I’m not keen on the gender framing of this. I’m an avid CoD fan, and I also happen to be female. By the by, my KD is 1.43 (on MW3).
The words, “Vit sitter har I venten och spelar lite DotA” come to mind.
I would like to first of all point out that this is not just the original poster telling us about her problems, but is something that is becoming more and more prevalent in our world. Video Games and getting caught up in a virtual world is becoming so much more popular because people have control of someone. Playing games like COD and LoL(League of Legends) gives the player control of something that is above what they are capable of doing. This control of said virtuality allows for the player to act in ways that might otherwise be impossible. This is the real problem of our Generation nowadays (yes I am calling out our Generation). We are people who grew up with all this new technology evolving around us. But this has also started to hinder relationships and real friendships and in this case a reltionship with a man and woman. In order to avoid this, people need to talk about their problems, it sounds as though your boyfriend is somewhat addicted to video games, and tell him that it concerns you how much time he invests in it. Maybe, once let him try and teach you the game so you may enjoy playing it with him. I mean I am a guy and sometime i enjoy to go shopping, but also love to teach people new games and the like. If this is really bothersome though, and you feel that he is
more concerned about his Kill to Death Ratio than he is about being in a committed relationship, then I feel it is within your power to leave him and go elsewhere because he is preventing the relationship from going forward, when you clearly want the relationship to go forward.
I don’t always passive-aggressively air my relationship issues on the internet, but when I do, it’s in a TommieMedia opinions article.
http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/17716092.jpg
I am originally from Sweden, and when my friends and I were in what is High School for you guys, my friends and I and our girlfriends would all go down to my mom’s basement on weekends and play DotA together. It was a fantastic experience of bonding for all of us. We got so good (both guys and girls) that we went to big tournaments and did pretty well. So gaming can build teamwork and improve relationships. If you guys are having problems don’t blame gaming maybe it is something deeper that you should talk about instead of ranting on TommieMedia.
-Jonas
Oh, silly boys. Always wanting to play their games and not paying enough attention to girls. And those girls! Always wanting to go shopping and needing to work out because, you know, working out is educational.
This “boyfriend” of yours sounds like he must be really good at COD.
This article is awesome! I basically broke into laughter during class while reading this. On a more serious topic, I think video games can be good for a college student to a certain extent. One has to remember that college student’s lives can be very stressful, and engaging in a video game can really take things off your mind. So let him play because i’m sure he will be in a better mood after a quality COD session.
If he’d just start playing World of Warcraft, he wouldn’t have to worry about the girlfriend issue.
Hayley, I just want to say this is the best article I’ve seen on TM in a long time. You maintain an air of professionalism while masterfully defending the thesis that your boyfriend is a jerk, all framed the context of a larger sociocultural problem.
For those of you who think that this is a joke, tell me what is so funny about this? I do not see aynthing that is funny. What I see is another guy who is getting to caught up in what isn’t realy and not paying attention to what is real. A relationship is real, but a video game is not real at all. What good is it playing COD or any video game for a long stretch of time, by yourself, when it will accomplish nothing? I understand that people need time to relax and a video game can do it, but if it comes to the point that it hinders a relationship then something needs to change, or the realtionship needs to end
It is interesting that not one comment mentioned the term addiction. Addiciton is usually associated with bad or questionable practices, as in drugs, alcohol, smoking, etc. However, addiction can relate to anything and everything and in most cases it is destructive in one way or another, health or intellect. One aspirin a day is good for your heart. Twenty-five a day certainly is not. Video games are known to addictive to many of our young people and violent video games are definitely having a negative effect on our society. It is incumbent on each person to do all things in moderation and be aware of being helpful and considerate to those around us. The first two commandments should take precidence over our lives every day.
Hayley,
I absolutely loved this article! I am currently going threw the same thing. My boyfriend and I used to have an amazing relationship emotionally and physically, he has just recently become extremely addicted to COD and play all night, sleeps the majority of the day and then starts back at it. He doesn’t leave the couch. The loving, caring, healthy, on-the-go man that I fell in love with has been replaced by a video game. The responses I read sadden me as the majority of them are infact from men. It seems as though they really do not see the problem at hand.
Hayley,
I couldn’t agree more! My boyfriend will stay up all night playing Ghosts and its not like I have a problem with him playing, but I mean, it kind of hurts a little when he’d rather play his game with a bunch of strangers than spend time with me. I’ll ask him to come over, but he’ll say that he already told “his guys” that he’d play tonight but he’d text me when he’s done.. I never see a text.. And when I talked to him about it he said, “Well, I guess I can text you while I play.” And it’s like, “Thanks for fitting me into your tight schedule, Hun.. Not..” Ughh.. It’s utterly depressing..