TRIGGER WARNING: This letter includes explicit language to discuss acts of sexual violence.

Dearest Calzone Dude,

When sitting in Scooter’s over convo hour, one overhears a lot of things. There’s someone complaining to their pal about how long their burger is taking. There are friends comparing schedules, secretly trying to beat one another in an I Am Busier Contest. There’s a table of young women discussing whether or not they’ll go to Tiffs tonight. There are a lot of words bouncing around the open dining space, and for the most part, I enjoy listening to the hectic sound of #TommieLife that takes place on our campus. What I do not enjoy overhearing are the rape jokes.

Yep. That’s right. Jokes about rape. People joke about rape. People joke about rape on this campus. You just joked about rape. It still blows my mind that rape jokes are a thing, but they are, and they need to stop. Right now. Put down your calzone for a minute. Let’s talk.

Looking at the statistics of sexual violence in this country should be enough of an argument to shut your average Daniel Tosh up, but before we look at numbers, let’s gain some clarity on what exactly rape is by using the definition found in UST’s new Sexual Misconduct Policy (Side note: This new policy refers to rape as “Non-consensual Sexual Intercourse,” which I see as wrong. The words “sexual intercourse” do not belong in conversations of rape.) Rape is: “(1) any… penetration (anal, oral or vaginal), however slight (2) by a penis, tongue, finger or any object (3) by any person upon any other person (4) without consent and/or by force.” It is necessary to state this definition because, sadly, most of us don’t know what rape is. The media fills our heads with all sorts of misconceptions about it: Rape has to involve a stranger. Rape only happens to women. Rape can’t happen to me. Rape has to be heterosexual. And, my least favorite, rape is the survivor’s fault. I learned the true definition of rape during my first year at college, after which I realized I myself had been raped. All of the pain and icky feelings I had suddenly made sense, and as a survivor of rape, I’m here to tell you why your jokes don’t make me laugh.

Let’s look at those statistics I mentioned earlier. According to the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network, or RAINN, every 2 minutes, someone in the United States is sexually assaulted, 1 out of every 6 American women will have survived an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime, and 17.7 million American women are survivors of an attempted or completed rape. While these numbers are important, it is also just as important to remember that 1) Rape is an incredibly underreported crime due to the shame and stigma attached to it, and 2) These statistics are not completely representative of all populations, as they are largely based off the experiences of cisgender (individuals whose gender identity match their designation at birth) white women. These statistics fail to shed light on the severity of sexual violence faced by specific populations.

For example, a shocking 34.1% of American Indian and Alaska Native women are survivors of rape or attempted rape, and despite the assumptions generally made by our society, a larger percentage of white offenders are committing these crimes compared to American Indian and Alaska Native offenders.

While it is true that sexual violence most frequently occurs against women, this does not mean men survivors can be ignored. According to RAINN, 2.78 million men in the United States have survived sexual assault or rape. Due to societal pressure to be “strong,” these men often suffer in silence, feeling that seeking help or sharing their story will somehow make others view them as “weak,” when in reality, it’s the bravest thing one can do. These survivors deserve our recognition.

According to Rape Response Services, a heartbreaking 50% of transgender individuals have experienced sexual violence at some point in their lives. This statistic is especially tragic due to the fact that transphobic and transmisogynistic individuals often cast transgender folks as sexual predators, wrongly questioning their identity. This was seen recently in the form of a transphobic advertisement sponsored by the Minnesota Child Protection League (a league that is obviously not interested in protecting all children) that ran in the Star Tribune. This ad further encourages a culture that condones violence against transgender individuals. For example, did you know the because of the existence of a “Trans Panic Defense,” it is legal in every state but California to argue that a trans woman is to blame for her own murder? If that doesn’t make you lose your appetite, then I am not sure anything will.

I hope that you’re now beginning to understand that rape isn’t just the plotline of last night’s episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. Rape is an epidemic. It is the reality for millions of people. It leads to depression, PTSD, drug abuse, alcoholism, and suicide. It causes your soul to ache in ways you didn’t know it could. It makes your skin crawl at your best friend’s touch. Rape is the reason I showered twice a day for three months, and it sure as hell shouldn’t be the punchline to your joke.

Now that we got that pesky (yet important!) number business out of the way, let’s explore another reason why rape humor is harmful. When a joke is made about rape, it normalizes rape. When a rapist hears someone joke about rape, they’re now provided with the comfort to think, “What I’ve done isn’t that bad,” but as a rape survivor, hearing you and your buddies laughing makes me think, “I’m not safe here. I need to go.” Rapists often think that what they’ve done is normal, that everyone else is a rapist too. Rape jokes offer confirmation for these thoughts. Survivors of rape often think that what has happened to them is shameful, that they should never tell anyone, that they don’t deserve compassion, that it’s their fault. Rape jokes offer confirmation for these thoughts. Whether or not your intention is to further sexual violence or to continue to silence the voices of survivors, this is the impact of your rape joke. This isn’t up for an argument. This is a fact. So, when you’re sitting in Scooter’s, chowing down on your calzone, who is it more important to make comfortable? The survivor? Or the rapist?

So, now we know rape isn’t a joke, but while I have you here, I’ll take this as an opportunity to make a couple other things clear: Rape isn’t what your Ethics exam did to you, and it isn’t what happens when I destroy you using Snorlax on Pokémon Stadium 2 (Yes, this is a challenge. Loser buys winner a calzone.) Just as you shouldn’t joke about rape, you shouldn’t throw the word around casually. It minimizes sexual assault, and it continues to represent rape as some abstract idea – something that you may have the luxury to pretend doesn’t really happen while others do not. The word rape has been stripped of its power and impact because of colloquial uses like these, and survivors deserve better than this.

Maybe I haven’t convinced you of anything. Maybe you’ll crack a rape joke at the end of this just to spite me. My heart hopes otherwise, but I do not know. What I do know is that although while it is true that we are free to say the things we wish to say, this freedom does not negate the responsibility we must take for those words. I also know that the world is a much brighter place when more people are made to feel safe and cared for. Calzone Dude, this letter is me saying “ouch.” If a joke hurts someone, why not just tell a better one? I may even have a few you could borrow.

Love,
Claire Winzenburg

P.S. – If you or someone you know has been raped or sexually assaulted, the Dean’s Office offers a list of resources here. There are both campus-affiliated and not campus-affiliated resources, and you deserve all the love, support, and help you need – however you desire that to look like. If you just need some open ears, you can find myself and other supportive folks at FemCom meetings, every Monday night in the LDCW (on OEC 1st floor) at 7pm.