In my experience, there are few things as satisfying as seeing one’s favorite TV characters finally get together. After seasons and seasons of built tension, the culmination is quite gratifying (I’m on the “Game of Thrones” Jaime and Brienne wagon myself at the moment, keeping my fingers crossed). On the other hand, the most boring romantic plotlines to me are the ones that happen right away and do not develop past the initial spark. The bottom line of this is, we need patience to witness something great. 
Yet, we do not live in a TV show, and phrases such as, “It’s nothing serious,” and, “We’re just hanging out,” have become so ingrained in our generation that we tend to not question them anymore. I used to think of the issue as fear of commitment, but after further thought and observation, I realized that what it ultimately boils down to is, in fact, patience.
On one hand, we do have fear of commitment. Having a “thing” is the new trend — it gives one the immediate benefits of a long-term relationship, along with a conveniently placed emergency exit just in case things get boring, difficult, or someone better comes along. Along those lines, we have hookup culture, which tells us it’s totally fine to use another human being solely for their body, as long as they’re on board with that. In these cases we find an impulse to be stimulated all the time, without having to put work into actually knowing or caring for another person. We hoard impatiently, and ultimately remain alone.
On the other hand, there is an unspoken pressure to jump into relationships with others just because we “like” them (what that means exactly is still unclear to me). After one date and a few butterflies in the stomach, the only logical conclusion is that it must be true love. In this case we jump into something because the initial excitement trumps the desire to actually verify whether that connection is true and could work. We dive headfirst into relationships with people we don’t know well, solely based on the love for the feeling they create within us.
The common theme in these seemingly opposite behaviors is a lack of patience. In this over-stimulating era, we want immediate gratification – even in our relationships. We have become so interested in speedy, personal pleasure that we lost track of the “other” in the process. When did we forget that romantic interactions encompass two people? When did we lose desire to truly know the other person, to enter into dialogue with them? Without patience, surely we are bound to act instinctively, following our overwhelming feelings wherever they may lead us. By taking this seemingly more comfortable route, however, we have become more lonely.
I do not claim to know much about romantic love. However, I dare say that the happiest people I know are the ones who love patiently. They are the ones who have learned to appreciate each other, to appreciate the time it took to get to know one another before discerning a relationship. They are the ones who appreciate the wrestle with time leading up to a kiss and the hard work it takes to choose to love someone beautifully.
Letizia Mariani can be reached at mari8259@stthomas.edu